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Commentary: Reply to my pen pal, Wayne LaPierre of the NRA

This article first appeared in the St. Louis Beacon, Jan. 10, 2013 - Dear Wayne:

Thanks for writing. I was concerned you were angry with me because I hadn’t heard from you since last April when you wrote me to warn of the “freedom-hating media elite” and the hazard they pose to our precious Second Amendment freedoms.

Though I loathe the freedom-hating media elite as much as the next guy, I must confess that I got distracted trying to earn a living and never got around to joining the NRA as you suggested. I’ve been worried that you’d mistaken my negligence for indifference.

You were spot-on about those media types.  Honestly, their incessant coverage of gun violence and wanton murder is enough to make you sick.

Just last Saturday, for instance, a barricaded gunman killed three before being shot dead in Aurora, Colo. — locale where the Second Amendment doesn’t seem to be functioning properly. What with the mass killing at a Batman movie there last summer and the legendary massacre at nearby Columbine High, you’ve got wonder if there’s something in the water in that region.

Anyway, the story about this latest episode merited two paragraphs on page 11 of the St. Louis paper the following day. Talk about your over-hyped sensationalism…

In truth, I wouldn’t sweat garden-variety mayhem too much. These incidents are soon forgotten by everyone but the grief-stricken survivors. They’re what the late Charles Bukowski referred to as “routine tales of ordinary madness.”

But when some disgruntled misfit shoots up a grade school, even the terminally apathetic tend to take notice. I presume it was the recent slaughter in Connecticut that prompted you to mail me the “2013 National Gun Owner’s ACTION SURVEY” and your accompanying cover letter.

The questionnaire poses 12 questions for concerned gun owners. I’m happy to share my thoughts but unfortunately most of them don’t lend themselves to a simple yes/no answer and the “no opinion” option seems misleading. A nuanced opinion, after all, is still an opinion. Allow me, then, to qualify my responses with commentary.

Question #1 asks if I believe the Second Amendment provides a right for individual gun ownership and whether I believe that amendment is as important as other constitutional rights.

A: The founders were suspicious of centralized authority. They recognized the need for it, but they had just rid themselves of a monarchy and didn’t want to replace it with a dictatorship. Whether to keep a standing national army after the Revolutionary War was a matter of controversy. I believe the Second was penned to ensure the states would be able to maintain militia as a check on federal power.

That said, as many militiamen brought their own weapons when called to duty, the amendment would seem to imply private ownership. Even if it didn’t, ownership would still be protected under the unenumerated rights provision of the Ninth Amendment. (Just because the Constitution doesn’t specify that you can own a horse, it doesn’t follow that equestrians are outlaws.)

As for the importance of the Second, I’d say it’s as at least as significant as the Third, which protects me from being forced to quarter British troops in my home.

Question #2 wants to know if I think the government should maintain a permanent database of guns in private possession.

A: Why not? It maintains a database of taxpayers, and you’re still free to hold a job. On the other hand, a newspaper in New York recently used state records to publish a list of local handgun owners. That was an outrageous violation of the privacy rights of law-abiding citizens. Would the same paper report which neighborhood women had an abortion?  

Question #3 inquires whether I think the government should be able to limit the number of guns I can buy.

A: It depends. A collection of Civil War pistols doesn’t strike me as particularly alarming. However, if a person begins to assemble an arsenal of high-capacity, rapid-fire weaponry — like the Colorado theater shooter did before his rampage — I’d find it reasonable for somebody to ask him what he’s planning to do.

The fourth question asks if I agree with D.C. pols who want to license gun owners and register their firearms.

A: Yes. The fact that we license drivers and require them to register their cars has done little to dampen the American love affair with the automobile. If you don’t believe me, try getting downtown on Highway 40 during the morning rush hour.

Question #5 wants to know if I think the U.N. should be able to “harshly regulate” the guns I can own.

A: No. I am a firm advocate of national sovereignty as the guarantor of domestic liberty. I oppose outside regulation, harsh or otherwise. We can, however, agree to abide by the terms of treaties that do not violate constitutional rights.

Question #6 inquires whether gun owners should be criminally responsible if their weapons are used in a crime, “even if the gun is stolen.”

A: Anyone who knowingly supplies guns for a criminal enterprise is already accountable under existing laws. If a firearm is stolen because of owner negligence, it seems to me that said owner is at least partially responsible for its misuse. Obviously, what constitutes negligence would have to be determined on a case-by-case basis.

Question #7 asks if I favor a hunting ban on public lands.

A: That depends on your definition of public land. I have no objection to hunting venues on clearly demarcated areas of wilderness but if you’re talking about the Arch grounds, I’ll have to dissent.

Question #8 wants to know if I favor the “Castle Doctrine.”

A: Yes. A yard sign I like reads, “Want to know if there’s an afterlife?  Break in here to find out today.”

Question #9 asks if I think the federal government is doing an adequate job of policing our borders.

A: 20 million illegal aliens would probably answer “yes.”

Question #10 inquires if I believe erosion of our basic American liberties is “one of the biggest political issues facing our country today.”. 

A: Yes, provided one of those liberties is the freedom from being shot by some idiot with a gun.

Question #11 asks me to authorize the NRA to use my answers when fighting for my rights at the federal and state level.

A: Sure.

And finally, question #12 wants to know if I’ll join the NRA today.

A: No, not until you folks stop trying “to overturn draconian restrictions on gun ownership” for “millions of our fellow citizens.” Wayne, the only American adults presently barred from owning firearms are convicted felons, the mentally impaired and individuals under court supervision. You want to give these people guns?

Well buddy, I hope my answers were helpful. And keep in touch — it’s always fun to hear from you…

Mike

M.W. Guzy is a regular contributor to the Beacon.