When she was 19 years old, woman grandmaster Dorsa Derakhshani was barred from playing for Iran's national chess team because she refused to wear a hijab at an international tournament.
“I don't think it was rebellious,” she said. “It was just me being my authentic self and not bowing down.”
Soon after, she came to St. Louis to attend St. Louis University.
“[Chess] gave me all the opportunities that I don't know if I would have had [otherwise]. It gave me a full scholarship for my undergrad and almost a full scholarship for my medical school,” she said. “It also gave me a platform, and it helped me find my voice, use it and hopefully inspire others.”
Now a medical student at the University of Missouri-Columbia, St. Louis Chess Club instructor and U.S. citizen, Derakhshani is passionate about being an advocate for freedom of speech and expression.
“After I started not bowing down, a lot of other Iranian chess players — especially in the women's section — also realized that they have options, and they don't have to bow down if they don't want to. They started leaving the country one by one, and they started representing other countries.”
Derakhshani joined St. Louis on the Air to reflect on what it meant to leave her home country for the U.S., the parallels between the competitive chess scene and medical school and how President Trump’s new travel ban may affect people like her and her family.
On becoming a U.S. citizen
“When it was explained to me that I can't really [have] dual citizenship with an Iranian passport, that wasn't truly an issue for me. It's really sad, but with the current Iranian government, I never felt that sense of belonging, that sense of pride, because they weren't interested in improving. They weren't interested in feedback. They weren't interested in what's best for people,” Derakhshani said.
“In the U.S., that's at least an option — just because you say something that somebody doesn't like, they won't just take your head, in a sense, so you can give feedback, criticize and use your First Amendment rights. That's something that's really valuable to me. I can't even explain how much that gives me a sense of relief — to belong to a country [where] I can speak my mind and I can express myself the way that I am.”
On the similarities between competitive chess and medical school
“There are a lot of parallels — a lot of good and a lot of room for improvement.”
“Chess has prepared me for medical studies. For example, in a chess game, we get to calculate a few moves ahead without actually touching the pieces — that spatial awareness that you might have seen in [the Netflix series] ‘The Queen’s Gambit,’” she said. “Surgery was the most similar to that kind of spatial thinking [with] the 3D thinking based on anatomy. You need to be so aware of what is [located] where in the human body.”
“I also saw misogyny in the surgery department. People are so overworked and so burned out, and it's hard to take care of your own mental health in that scenario. And [it’s] obviously nothing against anyone that I worked with — they were all wonderful people — but it's the culture that's there. The sexist and misogynistic culture is still kind of embedded in that field, unfortunately, whereas in different fields, the language is different [and] patient care is a little bit more gentle.”
“I have also seen [misogyny and sexism] in chess culture — and not just in Iran. People say, ‘Oh, it is the way it is.’ In chess, they have expressions like ‘women's chess,’ and it's said as a way to lower the value of the game that women play,” Derakhshani said.
“The chess culture is much better in the U.S. because you have an opportunity to talk about it. When you start talking about it, the problems are shared, and people are more aware of it — and that's something that you can at least start addressing. Whereas somewhere, let's say, in Iran, even if you talk about it, you're immediately shut down because, ‘Oh, you don't like it? Get out.’ It's more of that style. So that's why I'm proud to be a U.S. citizen now, because that is freedom of expression and freedom of speech. If you don't talk about it, nothing changes.”
On Trump banning travelers from a dozen countries, including Iran
“I understand the need to have a good travel system, a good visa system, a good immigration system, but this is not it,” she said. “This is a very unfair situation because a lot of people who've been planning visits or immigrations — or they have hopes and dreams — this travel ban definitely makes it really unfair for them.”
“I have a lot of friends from high school who are in the U.S. with visas, and they're pursuing their higher education. They're going to constantly be worried [whether] their visas are going to get revoked [and] if they will have the opportunity to go back and see their families and [then] come back to the country. It makes it way more lonely for people who do successfully come to the U.S. — now they just constantly live with the fear of when slash if [they’ll] get to see [their] family again.”
“[It] is truly terrifying and scary because you're building a life here, and you've already had to say goodbye to a lot of the things you had — [and] a lot of people. You had to work to be accepted to come to the U.S. [for] a program or job, and now you're constantly worrying if you can even continue. You just don't know your tomorrow. I feel like it just makes for a very unhealthy society overall — the mental health aspect [of it.] You're waking up every day with the anxiety of not knowing your tomorrow. You didn’t even do anything wrong, but [the policy] gets enforced on you.”
“Especially for people like me, who had some sort of trauma, being born and raised in a country like Iran — that makes it a whole different layer of unfair,” Derakhshani said. “When these friends of mine were in Iran, they would say, ‘I'm going to just survive here. I’m going to study, work hard and start to build [toward] a life in the [U.S.] — the land of the dreams.’ And [then they] get here and now [they] are trying to be a good citizen — trying to make [their] life and [their] new country better — and it feels like [their] new country doesn't really want [them].”
“The U.S. is famous for the American Dream — [for being the] land of freedom — and now it feels like you have to be extra careful about things you say and the things you do. Hopefully it's only temporary. This is sad, but the goal is to survive and live to see another day,” she said. “If I don't get to say the thing I want to say today, tomorrow [or] in a couple of years, my voice will still be there. As long as I’m alive and as long as I have the opportunity, I will have a voice. If my voice becomes less or silent for a while, it doesn't mean it will go away.”
“It's not the happy ending I expected coming to the U.S., but it's the reality of it,” she added. “I hope that's the same for other people too — that they won't just lose their voice, [but] they’ll learn to use it later.”
To hear the full conversation with Dorsa Derakhshani, listen to St. Louis on the Air on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube or click the play button below.
“St. Louis on the Air” brings you the stories of St. Louis and the people who live, work and create in our region. The show is produced by Miya Norfleet, Emily Woodbury, Danny Wicentowski, Elaine Cha and Alex Heuer. Darrious Varner is our production assistant. The audio engineer is Aaron Doerr.
