This article first appeared in the St. Louis Beacon, March 13, 2009 - I never thought I would write about it, but it has continued to be a topic of national discussion, even spurring a special Oprah episode on March 12. Chris Brown and Rihanna. It's not about race, but it is about inequality.
For those of you able to avoid this topic, the weekend of the Grammy awards, Rihanna reportedly checked into the hospital with bruises, bite marks, a black eye and a bloody nose. Brown is charged with two felonies related to the assault.
I have been disappointed and somewhat outraged by the focus of the conversation. We are expending more energy asking why Rihanna is still with him than we are inquiring why Brown is beating the person he claims to love.
Oprah Winfrey and Usher, just to name a few, initially made comments shaming Brown for his behavior. However, both have backed down from their original comments to take a more neutral stance. These individuals and others have made statements like "My heart goes out to them," and "I'm sending them love."
What is wrong with calling people on their bad behavior?
As a society, we claim to have progressed, yet domestic violence is openly accepted. If it were otherwise, Brown's actions would have been condemned. Notice I did not say Brown should be vilified. I think this point is where some claimed the reporting of the assault had racial overtones. The tendency for media to focus on negative stories of black men led some to cry foul. Yet, my opinion is that the larger issue of violence within relationships is not bound by race.
Research suggests that one in four women will be victims of domestic violence. However, men can be victims as well. To see a 24-hour sampling of services sought by children and adults related to domestic violence, click here. To provide a glimpse of one day this past September, 60,799 victims of domestic violence across the country sought services.
What is most relevant is that women 21 to 24 are at the greatest risk of nonfatal violence from an intimate partner. Rihanna just celebrated her 21st birthday.
As a psychologist, I find that one of the most tragic pieces of this story is that Brown has been public about witnessing the abuse of his mother as a child. The cycle of violence was modeled and is being repeated. Yet why haven't men embraced Brown to hold him accountable and help him learn that his behavior is unacceptable? We certainly have seen a number of people embrace and chastise Rihanna publicly.
We are missing an opportunity to shift the conversation. As young people see domestic violence front and center in their pop culture lives, we adults need to take advantage of the opportunity. We need to call domestic violence for what it is and stop minimizing the situation. Unfortunately, as a nation, we seem to have accepted the permanence of domestic violence.
We have dumped resources into services for the survivors of assaults. In the recent economic recovery bill, $225 million was allocated for Violence Against Women Act. In addition, perhaps we should focus more on the abusers and work to create a culture that won't stand for violent behavior.
Given the current state of the economy, fostering healthy relationships via holding people accountable for their violent behavior might be one more way that we could cut costs -- and save lives.
Kira Hudson Banks, PhD., is assistant professor of psychology at Illinois Wesleyan University in Bloomington. The native of Edwardsville is a regular contributor to the Beacon.